I remember the day I had the first inkling I was pregnant. Kyle and I were hanging out in our apartment and I started tasting a metal taste like pennies it was an awful taste. And we joked around that we were pregnant. After Kyle went to work I decided to test and well we were expecting. We talked about having children but not two years into being married. I was excited though so I ran to the store got a cupcake (inside joke) and a card that said "your boys can swim." Kyle got home from work and it took a little bit for him to understand what was going on but once he realized it he was overjoyed, we both were. We ran out and got the what to expect while your expecting and I started reading right away as I was cramping and wasn't sure if it was a normal sign.
A few days passed and on July 26,2012 I was in New Jersey to try on my bridesmaid dress for my cousins wedding. While at my moms house I knew something was wrong and rushed out of my moms house for the long drive back to PA. On the way I called Kyle and told him I was having a miscarriage and needed to go to the hospital. I picked him up and we went. Just as I thought my doctor came in and told me we lost the baby. Let me just say this doctor had zero sympathy the whole hospital was honestly terrible hence why when we got pregnant with Hannah we switched practices right away. I remember after being discharged we went to the car and just cried. I didn't know what I did wrong, I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to have kids, so many different feelings but the one thing that rang true was that it was NOT Gods fault. And I told Kyle that I said I'm not going to blame God I'm not going try to figure this out I'm just going to trust him. And we did. Who would have thought that 9 months later around the due date of Sage I would get a positive pregnancy test that resulted in my Beautiful Hannah. Once we moved into our house I sat down and wrote a letter to Sage address to The child I'll never meet. I cried while writing it than took it to the backyard and buried it. That was quite therapeutic to me. And sometimes I look at the spot and think what Sage would have been like if she was here now.
Ultimatly God has a funny way of doing things and his plan will always be the best plan. I know when it comes to Sage I was embarrassed about losing her and didn't want to talk about it to anyone. It took months for me to open up. With Presley I made it a point to talk about him right away. It's a way of coping and talking about it could give hope to others. You may not be able to tell but I have three beautiful children it's just one of them is on my hip and two are in my heart.
XO
Leah
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