There I said it outloud. I absolutely positively hate hate anxiety. And after yesterday I hate it even more
Let's go back a few years to when my anxiety really picked up. To my knowledge I never had any issues with anxiety. Everything was great and I was just living my life until one awful night when I was at camp. Early in the morning we had a terrible storm which knocked out power, destroyed things, and knocked down many trees including one that almost crushed the cottage I was staying in with kyle. That night haunts me still even though it was nearly 3 years ago ( i was pregnant with hannah when that storm hit.)
Since that night anytime I hear a storm is coming I break out in cold sweats, I pace, and honestly I can't function. March of 2015 I finally went to the doctors for unrelated reasons and I was finally diagnosed with Post traumatic stress disorder also known as PTSD. I was shocked. I honestly didn't realize that I could be diagnosed with that but ultimately my symptoms matched up and I had to face reality. That storm had impacted me more than i thought. I was put on medication which was starting to help but unfortunatly lost presley while I was on them. Ultimately I stopped taking the medication and haven't started again (especially since I'm pregnant again.)
Yesterday's storm felt almost identical to the first storm except we had more warning. I started checking my radars so that I would be prepared. Figured out a plan incase a tornado was to hit. Once the thunder started I started to worry and unfortunatly pace looking out the windows to see if I could see anything coming. Than around 7pm lightening, Thunder,and our power went out at the same time. Anxiety sky rocketed and I honestly thought yup this is how it ends. I told kyle to go upstairs and get hannah and just like that I get a tornado warning on my phone. Just what an anxiety filled person needs. I could see the wind picking up outside and my sweet sweet husband got me away from the window to get my mind off of what was going on outside.
Thankfully, no tornado touchdown near us. And other than a flooded basement we were safe. As soon as I knew the storms were passed I went straight to bed since one of those attacks really take things out of me. I am so hoping one day I can put all of this behind me and enjoy the weather like I used to. Once the storms are passed I get so mad at myself for how I reacted and how I can't control anything.
Anxiety is no joke. I'm positive I will get through this, but until then I just need to pray and breath
XO
Leah
Thursday, February 25, 2016
Friday, February 19, 2016
19 weeks update
How far along? 19 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: zero
Maternity Clothes: yup no shame
Stretch marks? Nothing new
Sleep: eh
Best moment this week: feeling the baby move
Movement: yes depends on the day
Food cravings: cranberry juice
Anything making you queasy or sick? Dairy sweets
Have you started to show yet: some days I just look fat...today
Labor Signs: no
Belly Button in or out? Still trifecta
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: emotional
Looking forward to: seeing the boom boom next week
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
Permanent member of the time out club.
I remember when I was pregnant seeing kids in movies go into these full blown tantrums and thinking oh that will never be my child. Or the children in the grocery store who screams at the top of their lungs and thinking the same. If only I could go back in time to that sweet sweet naive Leah and laugh because she obviously didn't know just how strong willed (and stubborn)her precious baby girl would be.
After camp this past summer we started the inevitable time out chair. Hannah had just a little too much freedom and well in a sense needed to be reminded who was boss. (Even though we all know pretty much toddlers are the boss of the house lol) thankfully it worked! She would be bad, sit in the time out chair, say sorry and problem was fixed she didn't do it again. As she started to get older she knew and would walk herself over to the chair herself flip out and be good to go. We of course had to adapt to situations since everywhere we go there isn't a timeout chair but, she learned quickly she can be put in timeout no matter where we are.
She has been time out free for what felt like days! That is until the start of this week. For some reason I feel like her little butt is glued to that chair! Why? Full blown temper tantrums. Yes the ones where the kid throws him or herself to the ground and flail their body around. Those tantrums that I just stand there and think "how the heck does that make you feel better" "what exactly does that accomplish." I honestly think there's that specific kind of temper tantrum button in her brain and when she's old enough it gets pushed (yes I've seen the movie inside out) because unless Mickey is doing something I don't know about I have no idea how she learned this.
Currently it's 8:10 and she's already thrown one temper tantrum that resulted in time out. I know this is a stage and she is just seeing how far she can get. Even though this particular stage is so frustrating my biggest thing is to not let her see me get frustrated. It's happened before and the results helped no one. But I've found if I stay calm, get down to her level and we talk it helps a ton and she realizes quickly how ridiculous whatever she was throwing a fit over is. The terrible twos are rough but I know I'll miss how tiny she is so I'll take it all in now because in a blink of an eye she will be older and we will laugh at all of this.
So if anyone knows where to get an I'm a permanent member of the timeout club shirt let me know! I think she will get a lot of use out of it in the months to come. And another thing. Sometimes you just have to laugh at what resulted in a temper tantrum (usually involves jake not giving hannah a hug back)
the picture is from Hannahs very first Timeout.
After camp this past summer we started the inevitable time out chair. Hannah had just a little too much freedom and well in a sense needed to be reminded who was boss. (Even though we all know pretty much toddlers are the boss of the house lol) thankfully it worked! She would be bad, sit in the time out chair, say sorry and problem was fixed she didn't do it again. As she started to get older she knew and would walk herself over to the chair herself flip out and be good to go. We of course had to adapt to situations since everywhere we go there isn't a timeout chair but, she learned quickly she can be put in timeout no matter where we are.
She has been time out free for what felt like days! That is until the start of this week. For some reason I feel like her little butt is glued to that chair! Why? Full blown temper tantrums. Yes the ones where the kid throws him or herself to the ground and flail their body around. Those tantrums that I just stand there and think "how the heck does that make you feel better" "what exactly does that accomplish." I honestly think there's that specific kind of temper tantrum button in her brain and when she's old enough it gets pushed (yes I've seen the movie inside out) because unless Mickey is doing something I don't know about I have no idea how she learned this.
Currently it's 8:10 and she's already thrown one temper tantrum that resulted in time out. I know this is a stage and she is just seeing how far she can get. Even though this particular stage is so frustrating my biggest thing is to not let her see me get frustrated. It's happened before and the results helped no one. But I've found if I stay calm, get down to her level and we talk it helps a ton and she realizes quickly how ridiculous whatever she was throwing a fit over is. The terrible twos are rough but I know I'll miss how tiny she is so I'll take it all in now because in a blink of an eye she will be older and we will laugh at all of this.
So if anyone knows where to get an I'm a permanent member of the timeout club shirt let me know! I think she will get a lot of use out of it in the months to come. And another thing. Sometimes you just have to laugh at what resulted in a temper tantrum (usually involves jake not giving hannah a hug back)
the picture is from Hannahs very first Timeout.
XO
Leah
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Positivity>Negativity
The Internet can be a great place to keep in touch with friends, search for crafty ideas, and of course shop among many other things. Confession: being a stay at home mom sometimes I tend to go on the Internet (more than i like to admit) to interact with people my age since conversation with a 2year old all could drive a person crazy. Lately though when I've been on the Internet I have noticed so much negativity. Like way to much to handle. From Beyoncé's superbowl preformance, to old teachers being arrested, to the drug epidemic, and just wow. Everyday I get on to update some of my fellow moms on my pregnancy and the first thing I see is something negative on my news feed. I've had to unfriend/unfollow so many people this week and I totally get that everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I'm not a fan of putting a person down. We each live our own lives and quite frankly make our own mistakes. There are so many things people do that I do not agree with but I'm not going to go around telling them they are a lesser person than me. Everyone was raised differently, so not everyone shares the same views on subjects.
Sorry for the rant back to the topic. Over the next few months with camp quickly approaching and being pregnant my stress level is starting to rise. And seeing such negativity is not helping at all. We are all God's children red, yellow, black, and white, male, and female. And we were all made perfect by Him. Instead of sharing all these negativity stories essentially putting individuals down that we may or may not even know how about we start lifting people up and sharing some positivity. I know that I need a break from the Internet (maybe not pinterest since you know I'm pregnant haha) and I know that no matter what these stories will still be shared but, I also know that I'm the one who controls my social media accounts. So if by chance I unfriend/unfollow you I'm sorry but I don't need these stories popping up on my feed when I log in. So let's share something positive today instead of something negative!
XO
Leah
Sorry for the rant back to the topic. Over the next few months with camp quickly approaching and being pregnant my stress level is starting to rise. And seeing such negativity is not helping at all. We are all God's children red, yellow, black, and white, male, and female. And we were all made perfect by Him. Instead of sharing all these negativity stories essentially putting individuals down that we may or may not even know how about we start lifting people up and sharing some positivity. I know that I need a break from the Internet (maybe not pinterest since you know I'm pregnant haha) and I know that no matter what these stories will still be shared but, I also know that I'm the one who controls my social media accounts. So if by chance I unfriend/unfollow you I'm sorry but I don't need these stories popping up on my feed when I log in. So let's share something positive today instead of something negative!
XO
Leah
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