8 months Later

July 14th 2016  I sat in a room alone not being able to sleep. After just giving birth the two days prior and having a day full of visitors, visiting myself and new son, I was mentally and physically exhausted. It was a hard day and I needed to see my son. It was 10pm and I went out into the hallway and cried to my nurse about how I was feeling. I just wanted to hold him and make sure he was okay. I was nervous something happened while I wasn't watching. My nurse so sweet said of course I could see him take him back to my room and hold him. I sat with him and cried and cried and cried. Eventually I talked to my doctor and was obviously diagnosed with  postpartum depression and anxiety.
Fast Forward to March 7 2017 and I found myself in the exact same room and the same chair I was in 8 Months ago. I was going in for a regular follow up and my midwife was on the labor delivery unit waiting for a new mother to give birth. They asked if I could go upstairs and see my midwife which is something they never do. I went not realizing what would happen.
So I get upstairs and they tell me to go to room 5 and she will be in there soon. I go and sit (with both kids) and look out the window and realize I am in the same room that I was in 8 months ago. I was sitting and comparing how I felt then to how I felt now and boy was there a huge difference. I wasnt anxious (or sore from giving birth) I was happy. It was overwhelming to be back in the room. I missed having the excitement of a new baby, and the new baby cuddles, but the depression and anxiety I could do without. I was so happy that I no longer felt the way I did last time I was in that room. Once I realized where I was I quickly snapped a picture of the spot I sat when I took the original picture. Of course I wish I moved the chair over, grabbed Saul, and recreated it but that would have taken a little bit. I am just happy where I am at now and I cant wait to see how I will feel in another 8 months

Xo
Leah

Dear 16yr old me..

 I have a lot to tell you so I hope you are ready for it! Better take a seat just incase
Dear 16yr old me,
 I am sorry to tell you but your dreams of becoming a Police Officer never happen. But, instead you became a Nurse!
Dear 16yr old me,
 Remember how you said you would never get married or have children.....well you did both! You got married at 21 to an amazing man. A man who is so much greater then you ever expected. And you have 4 children! Sage, Hannah, Presley, and Saul
Dear 16yr old me,
 I am sorry to tell you but unfortunately two of those children (Sage, Presley) you never got to meet. Those two seperate incidences will be some of the roughest things you will ever go through. But I am here to tell you, you will get through them and you always try to keep their memory alive!
Dear 16yr old me
Do you remember that summer camp your brother worked at? Well your going to start working there next summer!
Dear 16yr old me,
When you leave for camp and your mother says " you never know you could meet your future husband at camp.." believer her!
Dear 16yr old me,
Life is hard! There will be many times in your life when you just aren't sure what is happening. Life will throw you more then a few curveballs but, you take them like a catcher in a baseball game and you come out stronger on top.
Dear 16yr old me,
 Life doesnt turn out how you wanted. Its not all rainbows and unicorns its hard. But trusting in God and having your husband and children by your side you are able to do anything! and life is so much better then you wanted!
Dear 16yr old me,
 I am so proud of you!

XO
Leah

If you could go back in time and tell the younger version of your self something what would it be?