What are you thankful for?

There are so many things to be thankful for this year that I can't even begin to write them all down. But one thing I am thankful for is the hard year I had. As much as stinks I am so thankful for it. 

 This time last year I was celebrating Hannahs first thanksgiving having zero idea that this year would be full of trials and tears. But I am so thankful for all I've been through. We have a blessings jar on top of our hutch ( I'll have a separate post for that later) and today I randomly dumped it out to count all the blessings we've had this year. Let me just say there were a lot! I forgot I wrote all about Presley and put that in the jar. The different heartbeat days and even the day  Pres was born into heaven. I don't remember writing them but I am so glad I did. I am so thankful that I was able to carry that very special gift for as long as I did. I'm thankful that Presley will never feel pain or sadness. I'm thankful that when he first opened his eyes the first face he saw was God's. I am so thankful God kept me safe through the whole process and that he gave me the strength to get through it. I'm glad that God makes beauty rise from the Ashes and I'm hoping he does the same for me. I'm thankful that all the times I was on my knees crying he was right there with me upset for his child hurting. I'm thankful for an amazing support system.  I'm thankful that I have two children waiting for me in heaven. I'm thankful that this is my life and the struggles are part of my testimony. And of course I'm thankful for you. Whoever you are, wherever you are you've taken the time out to read about Presley and Sage over these last few months and I'm so thankful for that. So thank you! Other than the usual, health, clothes, shelter what is something YOU are thankful for this year?

XO

Leah 

The Story of Sage Robinson

I feel like more people know what happened with Presley but not to many people know about Sage. So I thought it would be time to change that. 

  I remember the day I had the first inkling I was pregnant. Kyle and I were hanging out in our apartment and I started tasting a metal taste like pennies it was an awful taste. And we joked around that we were pregnant. After Kyle went to work I decided to test and well we were expecting. We talked about having children but not two years into being married. I was excited though so I ran to the store got a cupcake (inside joke) and a card that said "your boys can swim." Kyle got home from work and it took a little bit for him to understand what was going on but once he realized it he was overjoyed, we both were. We ran out and got the  what to expect while your expecting and I started reading right away as I was cramping and wasn't sure if it was a normal sign. 

 A few days passed and on July 26,2012 I was in New Jersey to try on my bridesmaid dress for my cousins wedding. While at my moms house I knew something was wrong and rushed out of my moms house for the long drive back to PA. On the way I called Kyle and told him I was having a miscarriage and needed to go to the hospital. I picked him up and we went. Just as I thought my doctor came in and told me we lost the baby. Let me just say this doctor had zero sympathy the whole hospital was honestly terrible hence why when we got pregnant with Hannah we switched practices right away. I remember after being discharged we went to the car and just cried. I didn't know what I did wrong, I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to have kids, so many different feelings but the one thing that rang true was that it was NOT Gods fault. And I told Kyle that I said I'm not going to blame God I'm not going try to figure this out I'm just going to trust him. And we did. Who would have thought that 9 months later around the due date of Sage I would get a positive pregnancy test that resulted in my Beautiful Hannah. Once we moved into our house I sat down and wrote a letter to Sage address to The child I'll never meet. I cried while writing it than took it to the backyard and buried it. That was quite therapeutic to me. And sometimes I look at the spot and think what Sage would have been like if she was here now. 

  Ultimatly God has a funny way of doing things and his plan will always be the best plan. I know when it comes to Sage I was embarrassed about losing her and didn't want to talk about it to anyone. It took months for me to open up. With Presley I made it a point to talk about him right away. It's a way of coping and talking about it could give hope to others. You may not be able to tell but I have three beautiful children it's just one of them is on my hip and two are in my heart.

XO

Leah

Update:

Just a quick update on life and the past few blogs. 

Paci war:  still a war, Hannah has her days of going to sleep no problem. But then she has days like last night night where it took her two hours to fall asleep. I'm not sure if it's because we just got home from jersey or because she seemed to be feeling a little sick yesterday. 

 Jake and the fleas:  do I feel like the worst furmom ever!  Took him to the vet last week since he was still itching, and I'm super paranoid, to make sure he doesn't have fleas. He is flea free! But come to find out he is allergic to flea bites hence why he is still itching. And the icing on the cake he has a few "hot spots" on his legs but the worse one was smack dab in the middle of his head. The vet had to save his poor head and he looks ridiculous 😔 but we have to do what's best for him. He is on medication for the hot spot as well as for the itching. I'm hoping he feels better soon too. 

Fleagate 2015: this has been a very very rough few weeks in the robinson house! We've treated the dog the house and nothing was working so last Wednesday I called an exterminator. We were planning on heading to jersey on Saturday for a few parties but after talking to Kyle, myself, Hannah and Jake went to jersey on Wednesday. Kyle would come on Saturday after the exterminator came. Lots of tears as I was at my wits end feeling like the absolute person in the world with all of the above happening at the same time. But, there was a lot I didn't know about these fleas and boy am I happy we called an exterminator to help. On a positive note he said it was one of the cleanest houses he's been in. He will be coming back once more next week just to make sure they are all really gone. 

Sorry for such a blah post but these past weeks,and my brain,have been a blur. Next week will get back to normal. I promise! 

XO 

Leah 

The "broken" paci

Looks like we have entered this wonderful journey of no more paci. It's a journey that all parents eventually venture into and it's wonderful. Full of smiles, and restful nights sleep, lots of hugs and thank you's from the child....yea right. Pretty much the opposite of everything I just said and we are only at day 2. Since my husband and I are geniuses we decided to start this journey on Saturday night. Unfortunately we forgot it was daylight savings. So we were already going to lose an hour of sleep and now we were going to lose even more sleep. (Note to self write daylight savings on the calendar for now on.). Now let me say i am not against the use of a paci. Each parent has their own way of doing things and has their own time frame of paci use. Hannah has really sharp teeth and one paci already broke from her biting it. So as a preventative we decided to be finished with paci's. It started that she would only have a pacifier during nap/bedtime. No longer would she have it during the day, on outings, or in the car. We did make a few exceptions to the rule though. I really wish we would have started to take it away at nap time than a few days later bedtime. But since we started at bedtime there was no looking back and we had to get rid of it all together. 

  The first night was horrible! Screaming and crying honestly I have no idea how long it took her to fall asleep because quite frankly I was crying a long with her. Already rare naptime was even more rare as she was in her room for hours with no nap. The roughest days are when Kyle isn't home for bedtime and I have to pull out all I have. So I started by giving her the broken paci, she realized it didn't feel right. I told her it was broken and she agreed to throw it away. Ive told her stories about a long time ago there was a princess who became a big girl and didn't need her paci. Hannah loves being called a big girl and I think that story helped a bit. I've also sang her to sleep which hasn't happened in a long time. 

 I get what most would say "she isn't ready for her paci to be taken away." "Your so mean" "I'd never do that to my child". But hey we're all different. Hannah only used her paci to fall asleep than wouldn't use it the rest of the night. But during that falling asleep phase she would bite it so hard it breaks. It's what's best for her. Even if she doesn't realize it right now. Sometimes being mom means I have to be "mean" and do what's best for her, she still hugs me and tells me she loves me before bedtime, before the screaming starts so she can't be too mad at me. One day we will look back on this day and laugh as Hannah becomes a mom and takes the paci away from her child. 

XO

Leah