St Ives Review

My skin can be terrible at times and chasing a toddler around while having summer temperatures (in the middle of winter) I tend not to smell the greatest by the end of the day. Thankfully a great company called Influenster sent me some products to review so let's get started! 

 St Ives Pear Nectar & Soy Body lotion

 I honestly wasn't sure if I would like this product. Pear Nectar doesn't sound to appeasing and I've never had "fruit smelling" lotion before. But boy did this product prove me wrong! It smells amazing and not as fruity as I thought. My skin is so smooth for hours. I don't need to reapply every 5 minutes which is nice. I was pleasantly surprised by this and will most likely buy it once this runs out.

Nourished and smooth Oatmeal scrub and Mask

 The skin on my face is odd. Some days it's super oily and other days it's dry and cracking. It makes buying products hard since majority of the time a product is for a specific problem. I've tried masks before as well as scrubs and I felt like they left my skin even more dry. Right off the bat I knew it would smell amazing I love the smell of oatmeal products. I used a quarter size (maybe a little less) and scrubbed my face with it. My face actually looks really nice and glowing. Not like a teenager going through puberty. My face is nice and soft and no flaky skin. I think out of the bunch this is my favorite product. Will Definitely buy this product again. 

 Even &Bright Pink Lemon&Mandarin Exfoliating body wash

 I was really excited for this product. The name made me think it was going to make me smell amazing. Upon opening it, it did smell amazing. After using it though it was no different than any other body wash I've used before. A half hour or so after using it I realized my skin had no smell. It doesn't smell like when I was using it in the shower. I like body washes that make my skin smell amazing for at least a little while. I was disappointed in this product and most likely will not be buying  it. 

 Hope you enjoyed my review! Next week will be the first 2016 post! If your curious about what influenster is and want to get your own free products leave a comment below! 

XO

Leah 

Happy Birthday Hannah!

Wow my baby is two! I can't believe it. This time two years ago I was in labor waiting to see who this little lady, who had been kicking me for 9 months, would look like. It's so funny when I look back on those first pictures because she honestly looks so different! Over the past two years this little lady has taught me so much. These are the top five things she has taught me. 

1) be patient. I struggle with patience especially as hannah got older and started using that infamous word No. But she has taught me that I have to be patient with her as she is still learning, and exploring 

2) Breath. Now  I'm not saying breath as in the literal sense but figuratively speaking of course. Having a strong willed toddler can test ever part of me but I sometimes need to walk away take a mommy time out and breath and that is fine to do. 

3) Stop cleaning and play. Being a home owner some days I feel like my house has to be immaculate like those magazines. But as I clean there is usually someone behind me making a mess. Some days the dishes can wait because she will only be this young one. 

4) Every opportunity is a teaching opportunity. Whether it's a skill like sweeping, math, reading or a life lesson like kindness there is a teaching opportunity  around every corner. 

5) Cuddle often! As Hannah gets older she gets more independent meaning she doesn't want to cuddle which is hard for mommy. So any chance she wants to sit with me or cuddle I'm going to take it. Since I'm not sure when that will end for good (hopefully never.) 

 There are of course many many other lessons she has taught me in her two years but I'm going to keep this short so I can go hang out with the birthday girl! Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas!

XO

Leah

December 17,2015

Tomorrow is the day I have been dreading for months. Tomorrow is December 17, 2015. To most it seems like just another day but to a grieving mother it's a day that will be full of emotions. You see December 17,2015 was Presleys due date. 

 Tomorrow I would have been 40 weeks pregnant meaning that I would be going into labor soon or would already have a newborn in my arms. But instead I lost my precious babe nearly 30 weeks ago. Not a day has gone by that I haven't thought about Presley or thought where I would have been in that pregnancy. 

 It's hard to be excited this time of year when I'm still grieving, I have my days of excitement for Christmas but soon they are pushed to the back of my mind with thoughts of what if I would have had a newborn as well. I will never be able to understand or comprehend why I'm not still pregnant. My doctors don't even have answers to be honest. God is the only one who knows why I'm not about to be 40 weeks pregnant. To be honest I like it that way. I don't think I'd be able to handle knowing the truth as to why I only got to spend nearly 10 weeks with my baby. But as I have said before and ill say it until my last breath Gods got a plan. I don't know that plan but maybe as it starts to unfold I'll understand. Well I hope I'll understand. 

  I've been asked if I plan on doing anything to remember Presley and the answer is yes. I'm hoping soon to build up the courage to visit their grave but until then I plan on doing what I did for Sage. Writing them a letter and I will bury it in the back yard. I'm hoping to get some sort of solar light for the spot where both letters are so when it's dark out I can look back there and think of my babies. 

 So may I ask for one thing in return from all who have read this. Please think about myself and my family tomorrow as it will be a difficult day. A day that has been long coming and a day I have been dreading. I'm thankful that I'll be in New Jersey and hopefully keep my mind off of things but no matter what that thought will still be in my mind. 

we still would appreciate all the thoughts and prayers we could get. Thank you 

XO

Leah

Instant Love and PPD

I was looking at Hannah the other day and thought how much I absolutely love this little girl. But unfortunatly it hasn't always been like that. 

 When I was pregnant with Hannah I kept hearing these stories that upon first glance of your baby you would fall in so much love with them. I hate to admit it but I didn't get that feeling. I loved her of course and I was so happy to finally hold her in my arms but I didn't get that fuzzy feeling that I read so much about. I honestly didn't get that fuzzy feeling until she was about 16months old. Thank you to post partum depression. Honestly this post is not an easy one to right but for those 16 months I felt like I was just babysitting. Let me reiderate the fact that I did love my daughter and I would do anything to protect her and keep her safe but I didn't have that mother daughter bond. Those months were so odd and I couldn't figure out for the life of me why I felt the way I felt. I realized that my "baby blues" weren't the first two weeks after birth but it lasted for months and became even worse once our breast feeding journey abruptly stopped at 4 months. I finally went to the doctor and was diagnosed with PPD almost a year and a half after she was born. I felt like I failed at being a mother. How did I let this go on for so long and have no idea! After talking to the doctor I was prescribed medication. It helped but I also turned to my faith as that needed to be first. It was a frustrating few months after being diagnosed but I started to feel like myself again and I was finally getting that fuzzy feeling every single time I looked at Hannah. And I still do!  I am absolutely 100% in love with this little girl. She is amazing and so smart and I am so glad she is mine! I'm blessed to be her mommy. I've learned that PPD is no joke and it's a hard journey but now if I'm blessed with more babies I'll know to let me doctor know so I can get help right away instead of waiting so long. 

XO

Leah 

What's in a name...

Yup had to go all Shakespeare for a second. I've been thinking a lot about my babies names and how they each have a unique story so I thought I would share. 

 When we found out we were pregnant with Sage we honestly didn't have enough time to bounce around names before we lost her. We lost her in 2012 and she didn't have a name until 2015. More on the later. 

 Hannah was actually pretty easy. Right before we found out we were pregnant I played Hannah at a bible club and realized I loved that name. Elizabeth just fit as a middle name. Of course we had zero idea that her initials would of course be HER. Whoops. Of course if she turned out to be a he she would have been Jude Matthew. But Kyle says now if we ever have a boy his initials have to be SIR so we will see about that. 

 Presley we honestly didn't talk names at all. He didn't have a set name for girl or boy and just like with Sage we were unable to find out the gender. Since we lost Pres at the beginning of camp and I still had 6 weeks until I could go home I had an amazing camp support system who let me have a ton of time alone. One of my alone times I was thinking about my baby and it bugged me how he and my 2012 baby didn't have names. I read a story (I think it was the Heaven is for real book but don't quote me) about how a boy went to Heaven and met his older sister who didn't have a name. That got me and I wanted my children to have names even if I never met them or knew their gender. I started to look at unisex names and their meanings as I love the meaning of names more so than the actually name sometimes. Sage means "the wise one" and I just loved that. I pray that my baby would be wise and I'm sure she is!  Presley means priests meadow but what I thought was pretty cool was its derived from the word preost meaning priest and Leah meaning wood. So of course my baby had to be named Presley. And in case your wondering Hannah means favor or grace. 

 I was happy that there were a ton of nice unisex names and quite honestly I think it's a huge responsibility to give another human a name. I'm hoping God will bless us with more children as I have some new favorite girl and boy names but  I'll keep those to myself for now. 

XO

Leah