Five-day

So I decided on Fridays I'm gonna start posting 5 specific things. Whether it's 5 things about me, 5 favorite Instagram shops you just have to wait and find out. Today is 5 things you could have heard me say to my daughter this week 

 1) "Hannah you can not eat jake's foot." For those of you who don't know jake is our two year old Golden retriever. This particular situation utimatly ended in our very first temper tantrum cry fest 

2) "Hannah are you pooping?" I don't know why I always ask my one year old this when there are tell tale signs that she is but I find myself asking her this at least twice a day. 

3) "Hannah your crushing my throat!" Sometimes mommy just needs to lay down so I will. On my back. And little ms Hannah thinks it's funny to crawl over and literally straddle my throat and squeeze her thighs. She thinks it's the funniest thing in the world though. 

4) "Hannah you can't lick the cabinet!" We are in that wonderful phase of licking everything! And of course she says no as I watch her lick the cabinet, or the dog, or the floor. 

5) "Finish your carrots before you have more bread." If my daughter could eat plain bread 24/7 she would. I just can't believe it. Some kids like sweets my daughter nope she likes bread plain old bread. 

Until next post 

Xo

Leah 

Life is like a game of Tetris....

I can't be the only one who said that in a Forrest Gump voice. Sometimes I feel like life just when it feels like I have the whole life thing figured out and my Tetris game is on point I'm thrown a jagged peice that doesn't fit anywhere.

 Lately life has been pretty near perfect. My husband just accepted an amazing position in our ministry and I've never been prouder of him. With this promotion (if you would say) comes a lot of different perks. Now anyone who knows me knows I'm a planner I do not have a spontaneous bone in my body. Spontaneity is on my list of top 5 fears with snakes tornados heights and the dark. So I like to know things way way in advance. Well eventually once we get our own camp we are hoping to move onto the camp and live there FULLTIME. Yay for no more packing up and moving two and from two different camps. Well there have been some prospects and of course as soon as I hear that I start planning about what I want the house to look like and what's around said camps but then things fall through and we are back to nothing. That's the first jagged edge Tetris peice 

 The second is I have been blessed with an amazing daughter she is perfect in everyway and I'm hoping someday to expand my family and give her siblings. Well I have been dealing with ovarian issues. You know my ovary felt like growing a small orange and forgot to ask my permission. Being a woman this can be quite scary as the first thing that pops up is can I have more children. My doctors all say everything looks good but having to be on medication to mess with hormones to fix this is something I'm worrying about. Of course not being sure what the future holds makes me regret that I didn't embrace my pregnancy with my daughter or go on a dairy free diet to prolong our wonderful nursing experience. And didn't take advantage of how beautiful pregnancy really is. 

 But today as I was giving my worries and day to God like I do everyday Jerrmiah 29:11 poped into my head. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares The Lord " plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Wow just wow God already knows what the future holds he knows in his timing things will work out according to his plan and I'm so thankful for that. He has the perfect camp picked out if it's in his plans and if I'm meant to have more children it will happen when He is ready. It's something I need to mediate on more and be thankful to God for more not just when a situation occurs. 

I'll leave with one thought. The next time your winning at Tetris are you going to let those pesky jagged peices make you lose the game than think oh I wish I could have done that or I wish I would have done that. Or will you take those jagged peices and use them to your advantage right here right now. 

Xo

Leah

First night away from Hannah

The last two months I've had so many ideas of what to write and honestly time got away very fast. Sometimes I wish I could think of a blog post with out typing a word and it would just show up and post. Wishful thinking. Anyway onto blogging😄 

My first night away from Hannah.

 So when I was pregnant I thought  about my first night away from Hannah. A nice hotel with my husband maybe room service and a bubble bath while Hannah had her first sleep over with her grandparents. A day to reconnect with my husband. Well I had my first day away from Hannah about a month ago and unfortunately it was nothing like I thought. I was instead alone in a hospital room. Two thumbs down 👎👎I've been dealing with ovarian cysts for a few years and sometimes it gets the best of me. That night when I heard I was being admitted I thought so this is the night I thought about when I was pregnant. No fancy hotel no nice dinner in a new dress no sleeping in. Instead I was in a hospital room and my dress was a hospital gown with no back, bland food and nurses doing checks. Instead of being away from Hannah I couldn't wait to get back to her. Maybe eventually my husband and I will have our official overnight without Hannah but it probably wont be till she's 18 😉 

Love and hugs 

Leah

Running..an escape from reality

Running used to be a way of life for me. I absolutely loved running,and since I played field hockey I didn't have a choice. I couldn't even count how many miles we ran during the day whether it was practice or a game. All I knew was to be on varsity I had to run a mile in under 8 minutes. So I worked hard to achieve that. Instead of running just run I used it as an escape. Just me and the road I was on. Eventually I started to do 5ks which added my other favorite thing to the loop competition. Except my competition was myself. I wasn't the best runner but I would set goals for myself to beat. Once I got out of high school I didn't run as much, but feel down I missed it. 

 Fast forward a few years and I'm married pregnant with my first daughter and I hear about a mud run. Sounds amazing! Getting muddy while running. How exciting! Except I had to push it off a year due to being pregnant. Bummer lol on a bright side more time to train once the baby got here right...wrong lol

May 2014 the night before the mud run my nerves were shot and "what was I thinking" running through my head. Of course I was 4 months post partum so my goal was just to finish. And I did! Came in dead last but was proud of myself for completing it.  I was hoping to do more races but things didn't pan out through the year. Now 10 months post partum and I completed another 5k and made it in the time I was hoping for. Oh and I wasn't last this time 😉 added bonus.  

I really hope I can keep up with running and do more races as it's an escape for me and quite relaxing. Hopefully this will also be a positive influence in my daughter (and future children) lives. 

Love and hugs 

Leah

I am 1 in 4....

Today is national pregnancy and infant loss awareness day and I thought it would be fitting to tell my story. Everyone who has lost a baby grieve differently and I know for me two years later and it hasn't  get easier 

 We weren't trying for this baby sometimes things just happen. We were outside hanging out and I remember tasting metal in my mouth. Like I just put pennies in my mouth and I joked with my husband that I was pregnant. We went into our apartment so I could drink some orange juice and research this odd taste and to our surprise it was indeed a pregnancy symptom. I didn't miss my period yet so I didn't feel like testing 

 When my husband went to work a few days later I tested and it came back positive! I was so excited. I ran out called my friend christine and got a cupcake (inside joke) and a hey your a dad card. He was just as shocked as I was. We got the what to expect when your expecting book and were so excited to start our journey. I remember feeling pains and thinking it was my body adjusting and scheduled our appt. I got my blood work done three days in a row to see if my numbers were increasing. They were slowly but the doctors chalked it up to being so early in the pregnancy. 

 July 26,2012 I was heading to jersey to try on bridesmaid dresses for my cousins wedding all while keeping my pregnancy a secret. I got to jersey told my cousin my secret and asked for prayers as I felt a little weird. I was trying on dresses crampy and just not sure what was going on. I got back to my moms house and saw what I was dreading. I rushed out of my moms called my husband and said I'll meet you at the hospital I think I'm having a miscarriage. That was the longest drive of my life.

At the hospital it was confirmed through ultrasound and blood tests there was no longer a baby. So many thoughts went through my head that day. Why did this happen to us? What did I do wrong? Will I ever have children? I may never know why that happened and why my first baby was taken away from me before I knew them. I do have comfort in knowing the baby will never feel pain or sadness and I can't wait to meet them some day 

Mommy confessions

Wow it's been a little while since I've written. I'm already slacking. Anyway today I will talk about my 5 confessions about being a mommy and some I didn't realize I even did them until today 

1) Calling Hannah by a different name. Yes sometimes I accidently call her by the dogs name guilty as charged. But other times I like to test out our future children's names on her. Someone once told me when testing out baby names to yell them and see how that feels. I don't know how true that is. So if you see me out in public and I accidently call Hannah hazel or grunka (Kyle) you'll know why. 

2) Sometimes I let Hannah get away with stuff on purpose. She thinks it's hilarious to climb the stairs she will look at me giggle and keep climbing. I only let her get to the second step before I "catch" her. Of course she thinks it's hilarious and try to climb the steps faster. I live for those giggles though. 

3) I have heard so many moms say how they have found themselves watching their kids shows and not realizing it. Yup this has happened more times than I'd like to admit. Doc mcstuffins she is a girl after my own heart and I'll leave it at that. 

4) I'm so jealous that Hannah says dada instead of mama but I'm happy at the same time. Even though I try to teach her to say mama everyday she only does when she is super upset. But, she will crawl around the house all day saying dada and you better believe when he walks in the door age gets a huge smile and looks at him and says dada. I guess it's a nice trade since I'm home with her all day. And I love that even if my husband had a bad day at work that can bring him an instant smile. 

5). This may be the worst confession. Sometimes I laugh uncontrollably when Hannah falls. Now I'm not talking about when she falls and gets hurt that would be mean. But an example; yesterday she was pushing her toy and it honestly looked like when a cartoon character slips on ice.  I couldn't stop laughing and poor Hannah is laying there trying to figure out if she should laugh or
cry. She did manage some crocodile tears though but I promise she is a-okay. 

Until next time 

Leah

What do you do for a living....

  Seems like a pretty easy question to answer. But for me I don't know how to answer it half the time. You see I'm a nurse, but I'm also a missionary, and a stay at home mom. Confusing right. Well let's try to break this down.  

  Well the first two kinda go together. I am a nurse I've worked in the school system and a psychiatric hospital. But at my missionary job I'm also a nurse. Not the type of missionary nurse that travels the world and helps those in need. Since that is what people assume as soon as I say I'm a nurse with a missionary organization. My job is wonderful I have a great support system and I get to do what I love. Which is working with individuals whom have disabilities. I work with Handi*Vangelism and my main focus is on Handi*camp. I make sure over 170 people (campers and staff) stay healthy over a 6 and a half week span. I love every second of it. Mainly though my job needs my primary focus from Dec-mid July. So what do I do the rest of the year?

  This is where being a stay at home mom comes into effect. Of course during camp and camp prep I'm still taking care of my daughter and usually taking her to work with me. But from end of July-Dec I'm mainly home well minus the few hours here and there to run to the office. I love being home with Hannah more than I thought I would. Of course there are days I long for adult conversations and drinking my coffee before it gets cold but all in all I love seeing her grow up right before my eyes and not missing anything. I'm lucky I'm able to do this since a lot of women can't and I thank God every day ,and my husband for working his butt off, to allow me to do this everyday. 

  So yet again we are back at the begining. What do I do for a living? Live my life the best way that I can. 😉

Blessings!

Leah

Hannah's story

I look at some peoples pregnancies and think wow that went fast. As for my own I felt like I was pregnant forever. After severe morning sickness and numerous hospital trips until 20 weeks I thought the day would never come. But, on December 14 everything changed. I have never been in so much pain. I went to the hospital thinking this was it. Well after a few hours and bouncing on a ball it wasn't time and with a shot of morphine in my butt I went home. This went on a few more times and I was diagnosed with  prodromal labor. I was in labor but wasn't progressing. It was awful to say the least. On Sunday Dec 22 I ended up back in the hospital contractions 5 minutes apart ready to go. But nope not yet. They said I had two options an elective csection since she was supposed to be huge or induced at 39 weeks. I wanted to see what my body was capable of so I opted for induction. 

  Dec 23rd early in the morning I got showered and ready to go. I knew today would be the day I would meet my daughter. It was weird leaving the house as a family of two knowing we would return a family of three. We arrived at the hospital at 7am and pitocin was started. I felt pretty good ready for the day ahead. Around 11am I was at 4cm wahoo and they broke my water. Right before a contraction started Hannah would get super exvited. The nurses thought that was the funniest thing. Around noon i was ready for my epidural.  I fell in love with the guy doing it. Of course he said all pregnant women do lol   I finally had some relief and was exhausted.  Every few hours I would get checked on and was at 5cm my labor stalled. 6pm I was checked again and still at 5cm so we all agreed a csection would be best. Hannah's head was also stuck so it was best for both of us to do it. 7pm prepped and wheeled into the operating room. I was scared and exhausted. Kyle stayed by my side and I told him to wake me up when she was about to come out because I just wanted to sleep. I had some last minute thoughts would I be a good mom will I have that instance in love feelin...

 8:08pm after feeling pushing and tugging on my belly this adorable 8lbs 1oz 21inches long angry raisin came out screaming. I was thankful that after getting into recovery I was the first person (other than nurses and doctors) to hold her. All my worries and fears went away. And I couldn't believe that She is perfect and she is and always will be mine 

Diving head first

I've wanted to get back into blogging for a while but in my head there was a lot of what ifs. What if I can't find the write blog for me? What if I can't find time to blog? What if no one reads my blog?  Well today I decided to just dive in head first and figure it out as I go along. This blog will be a little bit of everything. But as the title states it's my life as if lately. There will be a bit about being a wife, a mommy, and avid shopper and everything between. So hope if your reading this you'll enjoy this journey with me!